Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
