apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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