Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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