I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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