Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
