I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
