I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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