plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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