I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I supernannyed him into submission
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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