A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
