i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
