I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
