Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
