Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
that may or may not have been my penis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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