just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
