There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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