Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
