Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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