Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
