I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize