It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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