just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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