I am puke
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
