It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
