The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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