U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
