Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
