everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
