There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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