She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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