I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
