So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
