Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
