How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
