Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
