we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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