Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
