By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That's intense
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
