Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
