duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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