Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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