I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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