so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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