your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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