I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
