just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
