so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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