i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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