I hate all girls vehemently.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
