considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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