This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
