Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
