fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
