READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
