she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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