Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dating After Heartbreak
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.