Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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