saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize