you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
