I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
