I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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