Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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