he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
