The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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