I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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