Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
