I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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