The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
