Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
